News From the Hill

Archive for December, 2008

My friend and neighbour from over the hill sent me an email this morning about her trip home yesterday evening, I thought it was worth posting and she agreed so here is today’s post by my guest writer Miriam.

Hi Scribhneoir, I was reading your post about simple things sometimes being difficult and thought I would let you know about my “simple” journey home last night.

All was going well and I was nearly home, I had seen no ice or frost on the roads although when I was about an hour and half from home I had noticed that it was already starting to freeze so I was going easy and taking care. It was already dark as I passed our neighbours house below us on the last hilly stretch and I did wonder if I should just leave the van there and walk up the last few very steep hills. I should know better than to ignore my instinct but still I did ignore it and continued up the hill, going through the gears to try to keep my revs low.

I got around the difficult uphill 90 degree corner and could see the ice on the road, remembering all I have been told about driving on ice I did not go the brakes, I kept the revs steady but made little progress, she started slipping and could not grip at all. I braked gently and stopped the van slipping downhill. I let it go downhill a little to where there was no ice and tried going up again but got the same result. Knowing that one definition of insanity is repeating the same behaviour and expecting different results I just stopped where I was.

I saw the postman come over the top of the hill from the far side and take the turn for our higher road to deliver our post. I knew that to continue his route he would normally turn down the hill to where I was sitting so I put on my hazard lights to alert him but to no avail, he had already turned down the road when he noticed the lights and then he became stuck too.

I tried going slowly in reverse because I knew that there was a gateway into a field on the turn and I thought that maybe I could get the van into the gate and off the road. I knew also that there was a very deep ditch, ten foot or more just above the gateway and higher up on the bend. The van started sliding as I got near the bend and I got nervous and stopped again. I noticed lights coming up the road behind me and recognised my neighbours voice when he got out of his jeep and approached the van. He had heard the van going past the house and he knew that it was unlikely to make it up the hill so he came to see if help was needed. My predicament was obvious so no explanations were necessary.

The postman walked down the hill to see what plan we could come up with and he had a hard time trying to stay on his feet. Apparently it had rained the previous evening and then froze and the sun never reached this part of the hill so it never thawed and the ice was really quite thick and very treacherous.

We rang a neighbour from the far side of the hill, the postman had just come past there and knew that he was home. He arrived in his four wheel drive and pulled the postman’s van backwards up the hill and then reversed down to see if there was anything he could do for me. He tried pulling my van up the hill but it was not going to work, not even with me driving as well, we were both just slipping. However we did get my van safely down to the gateway with both of my neighbours lighting the ditch with strong torches and giving me the confidence to do it because they could clearly see how best to manoeuvre and gave me instructions on when to turn and when to slowly brake.

‘Twas all quite an adventure for what is usually just a simple journey home. It’s great to have neighbours that care about each other and will go out of their way to help each other out. I feel very lucky to live in an area where people still have time for each other. It’s also a reminder to not ignore my instincts, listen to that little voice, it usually knows better than I do!

I recently had the opportunity to sit in a group and work through some unresolved tension between some of the group members. The method used for relieving the tension was so simple – good communication.

Everyone spoke in turn, without interruption. People took their time, there was no rush, there was time to think about what you were saying. We all spoke about how we were affected by the situation thus avoiding the “you said” and “you did” elements which can be so unhelpful.

We realised how what we say and the tone used can be so easily misinterpreted. This can cause hurt, which if not aired can fester and lead to resentment.

It is not as simple as it sounds to sit and listen to each other without interruption and without the chance of an immediate come-back – which often just escalates a situation into an argument. The value of speaking in turn is that by the time it is your turn to speak you may no longer wish to say what you were expecting to say, you will have had to time to listen to others speak and this may well have changed how you see things and given you the opportunity to identify what you are really feeling.

There may be many rounds necessary to resolve a situation, you sit with it until it is finished. People sometimes ask – how long will this take? It takes as long as it takes!

It is also not often that people are courageous enough to really speak from the heart, to say how hurt they are feeling or vulnerable or frightened or angry. We are so often afraid to let others see how we really feel, we wear masks to protect ourselves, to hide behind. There are many reasons that we do this, it is a learnt behaviour. Perhaps in the past someone used our vulnerability against us or took advantage of our fear to frighten us further, whatever the reason we can unlearn this behaviour and learn a new way to be. Learning any new skill takes practise and to do this it helps to have people around us that we trust and feel safe with.

I would love for everyone have the opportunity to experience this sort of communication, to experience what it is like to sit through a situation which could very easily lead to confrontation but doesn’t, which allows everyone to speak their truth and to really hear each other.

Simple things can be really difficult – but it is worth it!