News From the Hill

Archive for February, 2009

Families can be so complicated, I am sure that it was always thus. Now we have more family than ever, even though the old fashioned extended family has gone by the wayside we now have a new fashioned extended family because we have our in-laws and we now have out-laws.

No, I don’t mean Billy the Kid or the Great Train Robbers, what I mean by out-laws is that we now have the assorted ex-in-laws.

We have our own ex-in-laws, if there are children involved and we are lucky we may have a reasonable relationship with them. Then we have not only our new partner’s family – the in-laws, we have the ex-in-laws and that relationship in whatever state it is. To top that we now also have our siblings’ ex-in-laws and possibly new in-laws as well. Phew, who has a big enough table for that family gathering?

With the best will in the world it is hard to maintain good relationships with all these new “relations”. Family responsibilities may become very confused and boundaries are ever more difficult to maintain – ah! There is the “wild west” motif sneaking in again – fence wars, boundary problems!

For many of us healthy boundaries within our immediate family may be quite enough to concentrate on, let’s face it – not many of us learned about healthy boundaries whilst growing up. By immediate family here I mean our partner and whatever children we may have between us, for some even this distinction is not clear.

I recently had a conversation with a sibling who assumed that by immediate family I meant my siblings, I was quite shocked and so was my sibling. You can imagine the conversation – sibling: but we are your family; me: yes, of course you are still my family, I now have a bigger family and more immediate family priorities with my partner and my partners children; sibling: where do we come in?; me: I actually left that unanswered and I’m still trying to figure it out, hopefully my sibling is also giving the matter some thought…

Family responsibilities are not clear and easy to deal with for many people and now with all the added family it has become even more difficult.

It may be the case that because of a particular skill you possess you may have taken on the role of doing certain jobs or having certain responsibilities within your first in-law family. When divorce or separation enters the picture that role may not be as clear as it was.

It may be that you wish to continue providing that skill to the now ex-family and there is resentment coming from others in that family, on the other hand perhaps you would prefer to keep very clear boundaries and withdraw from that level of family involvement and other family members resent you for doing that!

It’s even worse if there is simmering resentments or bitterness in the out-law family, not necessarily from your ex, sometimes these resentments come from your ex’s siblings and that can be very difficult to deal with. These feeling can sift downward in the generations, perhaps becoming exaggerated as they do and then affect the children no matter what age they are.

Even trying to write that is confusing, never mind actually trying to live it. Think I will put the kettle on and have a nice cup of tea.

I hope your day is not filled with confusion…

The weather has been beautiful here over the last week or so. Last weekend I was out with my camera and took a few shots which I will share with you.

I don’t seem to have had the time to write any posts although funnily enough I have written a few in my head whilst I have been out walking but as soon as I get home they float away like clouds on the wind. Perhaps I will catch up to them some day.

In the meantime – enjoy the lovely views that I am lucky enough to have around me…

Ballinamore Canal

The Pump House

The Jetty

Just lately it is even harder than ever to avoid bad news, dreariness, negativity etc on the nation’s media. I do my best to avoid the tv news and I haven’t bought or read a paper in ages, still it seeps in.

Today I had a look through my bookmarks for a study that I came across sometime last year, unfortunately I could not find the study however I do remember the gist of it and why it stuck in my mind.

The main point that came through from the study was that repetition is very effective in manipulating opinion. Even if people hear a fact that they know to be untrue, if they hear it often enough they may come to believe that it is true.

That may seem like an outrageous claim and I know that for big things or important issues it may not be true, for smaller or less important issues however it does appear to be true – after all, is that not the result that the majority of advertisers are hoping for?

Repeat often enough that your shop has the best bargains or that a certain product is healthy and people come to believe it, without any effort on their part, it happens in the back of your mind, so to speak.

I wondered at the time if the same is true of bad news, negativity etc. and I greatly suspect that it is.

I know if you wish to have a healthy attitude towards yourself and towards life that it helps to seek out the company of like minded individuals because it simply doesn’t feel good to be around people who are predominantly negative.

I don’t think that it is helpful right now for the media to focus so singly on doom and gloom, to dramatise it. I would love it if there were more good news stories being broadcast.

I feel lucky that I have seen a few really good programs lately. One show was about a bunch of Hawaiians who are teaching the children of the islands how to look after their islands, how to respect the coral, to reduce the use of plastic, to love the environment they are living it.

There is a native Hawaiian word (which I sadly cannot remember) which is an old teaching, the word means both privilege and responsibility. It is this old teaching that is being brought back to contemporary society, the children are learning what is involved in having both a sense of privilege and a sense of responsibility.

I love that these children are being supported in learning the old ways in this modern world, that they are being given a sense that they have power, they can do things to change what is unhealthy. They are being supported in learning to take responsibility, to fully enjoy and appreciate the privilege.

I love to hear and see stories such as this, to know that people are working hard at a very basic level to love this planet that we all inhabit. It is important for my spirit to know that there are a lot of people for whom money is not a high priority, who do not take more than they need, who do not suffer from a greed for power or for money.

Personally, I cannot hear enough of these stories, the good news stories that we can all share with each other…

A beautiful morning was followed by a beautiful night. I don’t know what the night sky is like where you are dear reader, here in Leitrim it is only gorgeous right now. It’s almost nine o’clock and I have been popping out to keep an eye on the sky for the last hour or so.

Unfortunately I cannot provide a good photo of the night sky that would give any indication of the beauty I can see so words will have to do.

Yesterday’s east wind has wheeled around to the north and as I stand outside it gusts from strong breeze to good wind, it has that north wind bite to it and I stand in a sheltered spot with my back to the hills to the north of me. The trees around me are singing in the winds (aren’t I being lyrical tonight?).

Those hills behind me are blanketed in conifer forest and as the wind moves across the forests in the distance it sounds very much like waves washing up on a gravel beach.

The sky was very clear earlier and now is becoming a little cloudy, the half moon hangs above my home and it is bright enough to lighten the clouds, which are slowly moving in from the north and east.

The stars are crystal clear, sparkling bright and seem really close for some reason. It’s very cold outside and it’s well worthwhile wrapping up warm so as to be comfortable and to have a good look at the sky, enjoying it’s beauty…

What a beautiful morning this morning was, a beautiful spring morning.

Frosty Leaves

Crispy Moss