News From the Hill

Posts Tagged ‘Beauty Within Us’

Families can be so complicated, I am sure that it was always thus. Now we have more family than ever, even though the old fashioned extended family has gone by the wayside we now have a new fashioned extended family because we have our in-laws and we now have out-laws.

No, I don’t mean Billy the Kid or the Great Train Robbers, what I mean by out-laws is that we now have the assorted ex-in-laws.

We have our own ex-in-laws, if there are children involved and we are lucky we may have a reasonable relationship with them. Then we have not only our new partner’s family – the in-laws, we have the ex-in-laws and that relationship in whatever state it is. To top that we now also have our siblings’ ex-in-laws and possibly new in-laws as well. Phew, who has a big enough table for that family gathering?

With the best will in the world it is hard to maintain good relationships with all these new “relations”. Family responsibilities may become very confused and boundaries are ever more difficult to maintain – ah! There is the “wild west” motif sneaking in again – fence wars, boundary problems!

For many of us healthy boundaries within our immediate family may be quite enough to concentrate on, let’s face it – not many of us learned about healthy boundaries whilst growing up. By immediate family here I mean our partner and whatever children we may have between us, for some even this distinction is not clear.

I recently had a conversation with a sibling who assumed that by immediate family I meant my siblings, I was quite shocked and so was my sibling. You can imagine the conversation – sibling: but we are your family; me: yes, of course you are still my family, I now have a bigger family and more immediate family priorities with my partner and my partners children; sibling: where do we come in?; me: I actually left that unanswered and I’m still trying to figure it out, hopefully my sibling is also giving the matter some thought…

Family responsibilities are not clear and easy to deal with for many people and now with all the added family it has become even more difficult.

It may be the case that because of a particular skill you possess you may have taken on the role of doing certain jobs or having certain responsibilities within your first in-law family. When divorce or separation enters the picture that role may not be as clear as it was.

It may be that you wish to continue providing that skill to the now ex-family and there is resentment coming from others in that family, on the other hand perhaps you would prefer to keep very clear boundaries and withdraw from that level of family involvement and other family members resent you for doing that!

It’s even worse if there is simmering resentments or bitterness in the out-law family, not necessarily from your ex, sometimes these resentments come from your ex’s siblings and that can be very difficult to deal with. These feeling can sift downward in the generations, perhaps becoming exaggerated as they do and then affect the children no matter what age they are.

Even trying to write that is confusing, never mind actually trying to live it. Think I will put the kettle on and have a nice cup of tea.

I hope your day is not filled with confusion…

Just lately it is even harder than ever to avoid bad news, dreariness, negativity etc on the nation’s media. I do my best to avoid the tv news and I haven’t bought or read a paper in ages, still it seeps in.

Today I had a look through my bookmarks for a study that I came across sometime last year, unfortunately I could not find the study however I do remember the gist of it and why it stuck in my mind.

The main point that came through from the study was that repetition is very effective in manipulating opinion. Even if people hear a fact that they know to be untrue, if they hear it often enough they may come to believe that it is true.

That may seem like an outrageous claim and I know that for big things or important issues it may not be true, for smaller or less important issues however it does appear to be true – after all, is that not the result that the majority of advertisers are hoping for?

Repeat often enough that your shop has the best bargains or that a certain product is healthy and people come to believe it, without any effort on their part, it happens in the back of your mind, so to speak.

I wondered at the time if the same is true of bad news, negativity etc. and I greatly suspect that it is.

I know if you wish to have a healthy attitude towards yourself and towards life that it helps to seek out the company of like minded individuals because it simply doesn’t feel good to be around people who are predominantly negative.

I don’t think that it is helpful right now for the media to focus so singly on doom and gloom, to dramatise it. I would love it if there were more good news stories being broadcast.

I feel lucky that I have seen a few really good programs lately. One show was about a bunch of Hawaiians who are teaching the children of the islands how to look after their islands, how to respect the coral, to reduce the use of plastic, to love the environment they are living it.

There is a native Hawaiian word (which I sadly cannot remember) which is an old teaching, the word means both privilege and responsibility. It is this old teaching that is being brought back to contemporary society, the children are learning what is involved in having both a sense of privilege and a sense of responsibility.

I love that these children are being supported in learning the old ways in this modern world, that they are being given a sense that they have power, they can do things to change what is unhealthy. They are being supported in learning to take responsibility, to fully enjoy and appreciate the privilege.

I love to hear and see stories such as this, to know that people are working hard at a very basic level to love this planet that we all inhabit. It is important for my spirit to know that there are a lot of people for whom money is not a high priority, who do not take more than they need, who do not suffer from a greed for power or for money.

Personally, I cannot hear enough of these stories, the good news stories that we can all share with each other…

I have just been relaxing for a while here on a frosty Leitrim afternoon, catching up on reading other blogs that I enjoy.

Correction – I wasn’t really relaxing, I was working- I was actually waiting for the washing up water in the sink to be the right temperature to wash the dishes without scalding my “dainty” little handies. The reason that the water is so hot is that I heated it up in a great big saucepan on the wee stove that heats our home. Sometimes I do this to conserve the use of gas however today I chose this method because our water system is frozen, has been for days now so we have no water on tap.

Yes, this is the twenty first century and this is still Celtic Tiger Ireland and I am going out into the yard with a bucket to break the ice on the rain-water barrel in order to collect water to heat over the fire and do the dishes and what’s more – I did it with a song on my lips. Have you seen the sky this evening?

Stop reading now, go outside right this very moment and look upwards. The sky this evening is just breathtaking, awe-inspiring, just completely beautiful!

I had been reading through my fav blogs, as I said earlier and I had really enjoyed Liz’s post about the wolf moon when I noticed that the fire was going down and remembered that I had to bring in some fuel from the shed. This led to a chain of events because I then remembered that the dishes were waiting in the sink and that I needed more water to put the big pot back on the stove and that the cats needed to be fed.

So out I went, gloves and hat on, bucket in hand – to be stopped in my busy tracks by the moon.

What a sight! The sky was just so beautiful and the moon so close and inviting of admiration that I started to sing a moonsong - you can make up your own to whatever tune you please.

Every direction was beautiful, the colours in the sky so lovely.

So the cats were fed, the fuel for the fire brought indoors, the ice broken and the water collected all with me singing my heart out. This is one of the many times that I am so very grateful to live in a somewhat isolated place.

I reckon Liz must be right, this has got to be a moon for wishing or praying or placing intention – whatever you wish to call it, I feel that is a particularly good moon for it.

I think that I had better go do the dishes now…

I love this story which I found on TreeHugger, a site that I check out every now and again, I like the fact that you get good news stories there, there are enough of the other kind (like my last post for instance!).

This story is about a young fella in the USA who got so frustrated at what he saw happening around him that he had to take action. Apparently GWB, the almost EX-president of over-there (how I love saying almost ex) decided in his unlimited unwisdom to sell off the leases on thousands of acres of Utah wildland – “After receiving complaints from the National Park Service, The Bureau of Land Management (BLM) had dropped half of the initially proposed 359,000 acres from the sale” – wow, did someone notice the sellout? This young fella went along to the auction to protest and, understandably, got carried away…

Read the story here for yourself, it’s worth the click…

Blian Núa Shona Dhuit – Happy New Year to you and those you love. My global wish (hey, why not be ambitious?) is that we all learn to prioritise the truly important things in life and concentrate less on the superficial and commercial.

I had a lovely break over the Christmas, didn’t even check my email for nine days straight!!!

I hope that you all, my two lovely readers   had a beautiful Christmas, as I did, spent some time with loved ones in my family, had lots of great food, some great walks, some great sitting and watching classic b+w films and some great chats.

As for New Year’s Eve – I have to admit that I have never been really interested in all the fuss that accompanies it, even in my younger and wilder partying days I was never into the N.Y.Eve parties, the resolutions that everyone assumed would not last past February, singing and hugging complete strangers etc. Somehow it all seemed a little exaggerated, superficial and unreal.

When I was younger I was not quite sure why I felt like this, it’s not as though I didn’t enjoy partying as much as the next young wild one and I wouldn’t have known a grounded, living-in-the-moment person if I bumped into one, which wasn’t likely actually in the places I hung out! It makes more sense now that my life has changed quite a bit and I have stopped floating through life in a smoky and busy haze, taken the time to challenge some of what I was running away from, dealt with some of the baggage that I was dragging around.

The concept of living in the moment was a difficult one for me to grasp, obviously I knew what it meant intellectually but it was a while before my heart caught up. No surprise there, my head was nearly always in the way. I still struggle with that  but now when I speak of getting out of my head it’s a very different out of my head experience than that of the eighties! Now it’s about taking the time to listen to my heart, taking time out of the rush and hustle of life to slow down and really listen to what it is that I need, what it is that I feel.

For me this is not as easy as it sounds, I really have to remind myself to do it and sometimes I have hearing problems – it can take quite some time before I can clearly hear myself. I suppose that this is sustainable living for me – in order to live a real and healthy life and to have healthy relationships I need to do this, I need to take time out to listen to what is really going on for me.

For me the Winter Solstice was a special time, a time for reflection, to acknowledge the year gone past and a new beginning, the days becoming longer, the sun coming back to us, growth starting slowly under the protection of the soil, promise and optimism.

I hope that this new year brings with it many wondrous and joyful experiences for us all…